Ice Cream and A Show

Nothing like a steamy holiday to bring out boaters by the dozens to slowly crawl up a winding river and then get packed into a small lock to be lifted up to higher water.  Most experienced boaters wisely choose cooler or less crowded days to take an outing through the lock, but it’s the inexperienced boaters that provide the most entertainment, which is why we traveled by car to watch the lock traffic this sweltering Fourth of July.  

We assured our guest that people-watching at the lock was a fun summertime treat, right up there with the homemade ice cream stand which we visited as part of our excursion. Invariably we would see teenage girls sunbathing in their bikinis, eyes closed and apparently ear-lids closed too as they remained motionless and oblivious to their parents’ requests to “fend off from that boat in front!”  Or we would watch as new boat drivers tried to maneuver into the lock without scratching along the lock door or any of the dozen boats packed in around them.  Once a coast guard enforcement officer was on hand and was quick to ticket boaters with two children who weren’t wearing life jackets even as they were dangling their fingers over the edge of the boat between the fiberglass hull and cement wall of the lock.  “But they were wearing them just 5 minutes ago”, the mother retorted.  “We only took the life jackets off so the kids could have their snack.”  No comment.

Today, however, was our most eventful lock excursion to date.  We stepped out of our car just as over a dozen boats were about to enter the lock.  We watched with interest as each attempted with varying degrees of success to follow the lockmaster’s directions and move into place without knocking into any other boater or cement wall.
Surprisingly everyone on each boat seemed to be helping to keep their boats from banging into one another despite the best efforts of the drivers to play bumper boats.  One boat had a crew of three deaf men 'shouting' at one another and offering opposing opinions on where to come to rest in the lock.  The lockmaster motioned to the middle of the lock and the deaf driver deftly directed his boat between two larger vessels.

As the lock filled we enjoyed watching two boaters trading a cookie for a beer across boats— the swappers hadn't met each other prior, just sharing what they had in good humor.  When the lock filled and the lock door swung open we anticipated an uneventful departure of boats through the lock gate.

The boats slowly start pulling out, most not quite slowly enough, and one was getting caught in the back current outside the lock and slowed judiciously.  Unfortunately the driver just behind the slowing craft, was moving forward at a steady clip.  Her male companion sat with his legs dangling over the bow ready to fend off of the decelerating boat.  However, the boat driver decided that the best way to avoid the boat in front would by throwing her boat in reverse hard and fast without consideration for any one or any boat that might be behind—and let it be noted that there were several boats behind.  Our shouts of “Stop!” went unnoticed.  As any student of physics will know, a strong force applied in reverse while a man sits on the edge of a wet boat deck will quickly unseat the startled man. The "splash" of her companion hitting the water only just preceded the loud 'Crunch, Scri--i-i-itch" of her engine digging into the bow of the motorboat behind her.

The lockmaster remained serene and calmly suggested they move on past the next bridge before stopping to discuss the poor timing of their boats meeting. 

Meanwhile while we had suggested the driver stop reversing, we had not suggested she move forward, which she did anyhow and nearly ran over her companion.  Fortunately he was able to quickly grab on to the bow of their boat and pull himself back on deck before he was run over. 


Yow za!  What excitement.  I doubt we’ll be able to match the excitement of a simultaneous crash and passenger ejection at the lock any time soon.