Teaching Moments from an Argument

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Attempting to turn a political argument with my brother into a teaching moment for my children is difficult. For starters there’s my personal passion; add that to the baggage we’re carrying around as siblings and I’m way over the limit for any domestic or international travel.

Silver linings, I tell myself. Perhaps tangled in the stress radiating from my heart there is a kernel of a teaching moment to share with my children.

For starters, there’s what I have learned about have an effective argument, er, debate— everything from knowing my opponent to getting my facts straight to knowing when to stop so I don’t permanently damage the relationship. That seems like useful knowledge to pass on to my children, but it doesn’t seem to be key to making the world a better place.

There’s the “let’s learn from our mistakes” pitch. This would amount to me saying that passionate, heated arguments aren’t the only way to exchange different points of view. Somehow, I think showing them a more effective exchange of ideas rather than telling them would be a better teaching tool.

Perhaps I should focus on the whole package of world views. How did two children raised in the same family end up with such disparate views? Oh, wait, that’s my baggage, not what I want to impart to my kids.

What I want to do is to have a positive influence on my children’s world views. To help set their moral compass, to teach them how to gather, evaluate and analyze information in making decisions and to provide a foundation in forming beliefs and standing up for their beliefs.

And of course, there’s the value of a family relationship as great or as dysfunctional as it may be. I believe there is almost always value in maintaining a family connection. So mostly I want to tell them to know when to reset; to learn when the relationship is more important than the ideal.

Parenting to do list:

1. talk with my children about resolving disagreements and standing up for your beliefs
2. engage in disagreements with individuals who can remain calm—have dinner with my kids and family friends with different political views during the week around election day
3. listen to my children when they are wrestling with their own decision making, help them with the process more than the content.
4. support my children in their efforts to stand up for their beliefs
5. be respectful in my disagreements with them
6. end disagreements without slamming down the phone and, if I’m feeling really good, with an invitation to dinner!

In the end, my analysis is in fact self-analysis— more instructional for me than my kids.