As I stepped into the unknown (at least to me) territory of guiding a high school senior through the college application process, I felt like Elizabeth Turner as she boarded the Black Pearl—the college application process was more about guidelines than rules. I was fortunate enough to be offered two guidelines from people who had previously boarded the college convoy. I pass both along here to anyone else who faces, with perhaps some trepidation, the prospect of figuring out the college application process from a parent’s perspective.
First, as a parent, you can take on multiple roles in the college process. At one end of the spectrum a parent can sit back and let the student manage everything, which can be either completely freeing or entirely impossible. At the other end the mother so excessively edits her child’s essays that the essays beautifully reflect the views and perspective of a perimenopausal woman trying to recapture her youth. Ideally I hoped to find a role somewhere in the middle of this tightrope, or as it sometimes feels, a pirate's plank, presuming of course that I could keep my balance.
A good friend, who was a recent empty nester with 3 children successfully enrolled in college, suggested taking on the role of an administrator. As she described it, an administrator can type, mail applications, edit grammar, maintain critical calendar reminders, even chauffeur to college visits. An administrator does not write essays, suggest topics, select colleges, compare prospective college experiences or write questions for school visits. And as my friend clearly stated, an administrator has pre-determined work hours. Work hours may be negotiated, but generally should be set in advance, so if the student would like to have an essay reviewed, said essay would need to be completed before 11pm on the date the application is due. As with any good administrator/employer relationship, the job requirements should be negotiated in advance. Only time and my children will tell whether I am successful in meeting my targeted goals.
The second piece of advice came from a college admissions officer trying to win over the students in attendance. He suggested that college discussions between parents and students be limited to 5 to 7 pm on Sunday. During that time parents could ask any questions on their minds and offer their well-intended advice on the college application process. The remainder of the week, the college application process would be off limits for family conversations.
As with the first suggestion, only time and my children will tell how well I adhere to this rule. Yes, like the Pirates’ Code these are more guidelines than actual rules. Welcome aboard the College Convoy, Miss Turner.
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