During a conversation with my newly employed, recently minted college graduate, she shared an office observation. “The 30-year olds seem impossibly mature and together. How will I ever get there?”
This was precisely the same thought my husband and I had the day she was born. I lay against the pillow in my hospital gown; my husband sat gingerly cuddling our newborn daughter in his arms.
Into the room ran my 3-year old niece, a cracker in each hand excited squealing, “I hold the baby!”
Our eyes darted to this capable 3-year old who could walk and talk and eat crackers. Then we gazed at our swaddled infant and thought, “how will our daughter ever get there?”
So when our younger daughter turned 21 and could walk, talk and eat crackers as well as drive a car, use a debit card and even mow the lawn, we said to one another, “well done on the parenting!” with the emphasis on done, our children were now capable, self-sufficient adults.
When I was in college I took a number of complex math courses. The classes always seemed to be late in the afternoon, and as the low sun angled in the windows, a room full of 20-year olds frantically attempted to follow the instructor as he scribbled out a proof on the blackboard. Invariably he would run out of room on the chalkboard or run out of time in class or both, and so would quickly scrawl, QED. To the lecturer this meant the rest is obvious, I have demonstrated the hard part.
And now, 30 years later, the roles were reversed. It was as if I were the lecturer, and the time in my classroom had drawn to a close as my youngest child turned 21. From there to 30? QED, or so it seemed to me.
I could see my daughter turning over in her head the concept of 21 to 30 being obvious. Like me and my fellow classmates gathering our notebooks in math class so long ago, QED only meant one thing to her, how in the hell do you get there from here?
Showing posts with label teens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teens. Show all posts
College Tours: The Less Serious Side
College tours are a rite of passage for juniors and seniors in high school and their families as post high school plans are contemplated. While some look forward to these visits, others may be a bit more wary, or like me, teary that 17 years could have passed so quickly. If you’re headed to campus visits this spring and summer, here are a few hints to keep in mind.
- If it’s a chilly day, follow the Hawaiian tour guide—she is certain to go inside each building on the tour rather than stand outside in the cold.
- Visitor parking lots are for those without parking karma and a pocket full of quarters. On street parking near city campuses is often closer, easier to find and less expensive than the so-called visitor lots as long as you feed the meter between the information session and your tour.
- Before being impressed that your child sat right up front in the information session, ask if she remembered her glasses.
- The school web site, however poorly organized has the college facts—but apparently not all parents are internet savy and will often ask questions like, "how many students go to school here?" Teen eye rolls are appropriate in these situations.
- Every tour guide is asked, “Why did you choose this college?”
- If the only two colleges your tour guide applied to were the University of Michigan and Wesleyan, you may realize that your child isn’t the only one who isn’t focusing on a college type.
- Don’t worry, not everyone steps onto a campus and “just knows” that it is the right or wrong college.
- Try not to laugh out loud or nudge your child when the tour guide explains that the circulating library isn’t so named because it revolves.
- Violating all of the campus superstitions—stepping on the plaque in the middle of the quad, walking through the wrought iron gates—is unlikely to amuse your child.
- As fun as campus tours are, make time for some non-college related fun while traveling with your son or daughter—the days go by too quickly!
Two Days in Paris with Teenagers
You need more than two days to enjoy the relaxed pace and beauty of this multi-faceted city, so here are two very full days to incorporate into an otherwise hopefully more relaxed schedule. Day 1 takes you wandering outdoors in Advance Planning:
Book your segway tour in advance. Depending on the time of year you may need to book days to weeks in advance with Fat Tire Bike Tours.Day 1: Centre Georges Pompidou, Notre Dame including Towers, Walk along the
- Morning: Start at the Centre Georges Pompidou.No need to go inside—outside there are many great opportunities for your teenage photographers, shoppers, art lovers, and people watchers.Small trinket shops line one side of the square; there is an outdoor fountain with fabulous water art that is both fun to look at and fun to photograph; the Centre itself is cool to view for its architecture and during nicer weather there are street performers all around the squareFrom Georges Pompidou walk to Notre Dame —a 15 minute stroll. The
to the top of the south tower though, no elevator. Like most of the main attractions in Be sure to walk around Notre Dame to view the architecture all the way around. In addition, behind Notre Dame is a small park with wonderful flower gardens in the spring and summer. There is also a tiny play area, with a spinning disk that seems to have conquered perpetual motion. If there aren’t many small children waiting for a try, it’s worth getting everyone in your family on for a spin—adults included. As an added bonus if you need internet access there is a free wifi spot here.From Notre Dame, walk along the right bank of the
(not much harder to find) and an epicerie for bread, cheese and fruit. Then enjoy your picnic in the Jardin du Lxembourg. One warning: pay toilets only here.Afternoon: If you have ample time you can walk to the
Tire Bike Tours have great guides who really make history interesting and memorable for teens and adults alike. Between riding a segway and hearing the history of Evening: Enjoy the lights ofI am not recommending a specific location for dinner as there are so many and some of the fun is in finding a place that meets the gastronomic requirements of your family. Of course, some places are better than others to look for dinner. The left bank, especially in the Latin Quarter, has many casual options.Day 2: Batobus, Musee D’Orsay, Louvre,Morning: Start your day with a leisurely ride along theDisembark at the Musee d’Orsay. Depending on the art inclinations of your family you can spend an hour or three in this impressionist museum viewing paintings by Cezanne, Gauguin, Manet, Monet, Renoir and on and on. In addition, there are numerous artists who sit and sketch within the light-filled atrium. We enjoyed watching these current artists as much as viewing paintings and sculpture over 100 years old.Afternoon: Although the Louvre is a short walk from the Musee d’Orsay, take a break from standing and sit on the Batobus again while cruising along the river. When you’re rested get off at the stop for the Louvre.
Before going in view the Axe Historique which runs from the horse statue right in front of the Louvre, through the Arc de Triomphe du Carrousel, through the Jardin des Tuileries, directly across the Place de la Concorde, along the Champs-Elysees, through the Arc de Triomphe and on through Paris.If you were to view every painting in the Louvre for only a minute each, you would need 10 weeks to see all of the paintings. So don’t try to see every painting. Don’t even try to see most of the art here. Pick out 7 or 8 art works to view and then go directly to them. Our children most enjoyed The Coronation of Napoleon. It’s a wonderful painting,
but in addition to the quality of the painting there is a bench to sit upon while you look at it and it’s quite large so there is a lot to ponder. The audio guide gives good background on many of the works of art and there are oversized cards available in each room which describe some of the artwork on view. Wandering around the Louvre and possibly getting lost is also a fun pastime in this royal fortress.If the afternoon is nice, wander through the Jardin des Tuileries where children float toy boats on the pools and many people sit and enjoy the sun. Cap off your afternoon by relaxing in a café—a great place to share stories on what each of you has seen or just sit quietly together and watch the world pass by. The shops in the
Nights 6 and 7—a Few Passes
My blogging for the past two menorah lighting nights mimics our ability to intentionally make occasions to offer kindnesses to others. As we went around the circle both nights, my husband and I each had a few passes. Seven kindnesses isn’t all that many. Yet I am finding it hard to keep kindnesses top of mind so that I see the opportunities to help someone out. I tell myself now that I will work harder on this the 8th and final day to be aware of sharing kindness with those around me. We’ll see if I am able to recount my kindnesses I shared today when we light the candles tonight.
The Fourth Night: Making the World a Little Bit Brighter
The fourth day I heard, “I didn’t give any kindnesses beyond what I would do anyhow.” “I was at home all day—I didn’t have a chance to share any kindnesses.”
Clearly it was time to revisit the intent of sharing kindnesses given and kindnesses received. I didn’t intend that we would change the world, complete heroic tasks each day or oblige others to be forever indebted. I simply wanted us to be aware of what brings light into our lives and how we reflect that light. I would be delighted if most of our kindnesses shared were true gifts of kindness that we would have given had it been Hanukkah or the middle of July. I liked that with eight days we could create a habit of thankfulness and giving where one may not have existed or reinforce an awareness of the kindnesses in our lives.
Once we all were re-focused on the intent, we were much more comfortable sharing the more commonplace of kindnesses— my daughter helping me clean up, my husband baking a cake for our children, no one complaining when our afternoon plans changed at the last minute. Every day won’t bring a kindness that would turn a friend’s life around, but hopefully each day would make the world a little bit brighter even after the candle had gone out.
Clearly it was time to revisit the intent of sharing kindnesses given and kindnesses received. I didn’t intend that we would change the world, complete heroic tasks each day or oblige others to be forever indebted. I simply wanted us to be aware of what brings light into our lives and how we reflect that light. I would be delighted if most of our kindnesses shared were true gifts of kindness that we would have given had it been Hanukkah or the middle of July. I liked that with eight days we could create a habit of thankfulness and giving where one may not have existed or reinforce an awareness of the kindnesses in our lives.
Once we all were re-focused on the intent, we were much more comfortable sharing the more commonplace of kindnesses— my daughter helping me clean up, my husband baking a cake for our children, no one complaining when our afternoon plans changed at the last minute. Every day won’t bring a kindness that would turn a friend’s life around, but hopefully each day would make the world a little bit brighter even after the candle had gone out.
The Third Night: It's the Thought that Counts
The excuses started with the morning alarm clock.
“I just want to remind you that I work at home on Fridays, so I won’t have many interactions for sharing something nice,” my husband announced as he stepped out of bed.
“You’ll see your family, “I responded, “we count too".
As it turned out, I was the one who ended up grasping for moments of kindness given. I had plenty of kindnesses received, rushing home late from work, getting a friendly smile and a helpful suggestion from a shop owner, being able to call my husband at the last minute to pick up my daughter, a truck driver letting me cut across to make my exit. But I apparently was in a receiving mode, not a giving mode as I grasped for 3, just 3, kindnesses given— how hard could this be? I looked for drivers who weren’t getting a break in traffic to pull out, shoppers who needed a door opened, I even stopped to pick up fresh scones for my family - all sold out by late in the day!
On that last try, my daughter told me, "It's the thought that counts mom, so that counts as a kindness."
When we stood around the menorah and listened to each others' kindnesses, again seeing the glimpses of gloves shared on a cold day, or thoughtful encouragement to a classmate, I realized we all have moments or days of receiving and moments of giving. It’s not that one is harder to see or acknowledge than the other, at least for me. It is that life is bumpy. Often there are caring words I can share, or a hand I can offer, but sometimes I am the thankful recipient of an extra smile or a driver’s courtesy or a daughter’s hug. The kindnesses of others keep my glass full.
“I just want to remind you that I work at home on Fridays, so I won’t have many interactions for sharing something nice,” my husband announced as he stepped out of bed.
“You’ll see your family, “I responded, “we count too".
As it turned out, I was the one who ended up grasping for moments of kindness given. I had plenty of kindnesses received, rushing home late from work, getting a friendly smile and a helpful suggestion from a shop owner, being able to call my husband at the last minute to pick up my daughter, a truck driver letting me cut across to make my exit. But I apparently was in a receiving mode, not a giving mode as I grasped for 3, just 3, kindnesses given— how hard could this be? I looked for drivers who weren’t getting a break in traffic to pull out, shoppers who needed a door opened, I even stopped to pick up fresh scones for my family - all sold out by late in the day!
On that last try, my daughter told me, "It's the thought that counts mom, so that counts as a kindness."
When we stood around the menorah and listened to each others' kindnesses, again seeing the glimpses of gloves shared on a cold day, or thoughtful encouragement to a classmate, I realized we all have moments or days of receiving and moments of giving. It’s not that one is harder to see or acknowledge than the other, at least for me. It is that life is bumpy. Often there are caring words I can share, or a hand I can offer, but sometimes I am the thankful recipient of an extra smile or a driver’s courtesy or a daughter’s hug. The kindnesses of others keep my glass full.
Kindnesses Shared and Received
We love our ceramic menorah that we unwrap each December and fill with colorful candles each evening during Hanukkah. As the Shamash candle is lit, we begin singing the blessing in our own multi-tuned rendition. My husband wasn’t schooled in religious tunes, or if he was didn’t retain them. And my religious tunes are limited to Herald Angels and Little Towns. Consequently, our prayer sounds much like a smaller rendition of Hogwarts school song.
Each of the 8 nights we add an additional candle, sing our prayer and enjoy the menorah for a moment or through dinner or while homework is being done. We love to watch the candle lights flickering and speculate where all that wax ends up. But we rarely focus long on the Maccabees or the blessings we remember in our own lives.
This year I thought we could think about what brings light into our lives and how we reflect that light. Each day of Hanukkah, we will each be observant for kindnesses we share and kindnesses we receive. Then when we light the candles we will each share a kindness from that day for each candle lit—one kindness each on the first night, two the second night and so forth. I imagine that this will be fairly straightforward on day one. However, I presume that by day 4 or 5 we will have to work to not just remember what we have done that day (for some of us a harder task these days than for others), but we will need actively be observant for moments when we can offer a kindness— from a word, to a hand, to a hug. I am sure it will take concentration to look for opportunities. Perhaps we will hold open a door or let the shopper with just one item to purchase step in line in front of us, or even refrain from a disparaging remark that was clamoring to be spoken. Eight is such a good number for creating a habit of being observant to where we can give a kindness and be mindful of saying thank you when we receive a kindness.
Stay tuned and I’ll let you know how well this works or doesn’t. Let me know what traditions you enjoy in December to show thanks for what you have received or be cognizant of what you share.
Each of the 8 nights we add an additional candle, sing our prayer and enjoy the menorah for a moment or through dinner or while homework is being done. We love to watch the candle lights flickering and speculate where all that wax ends up. But we rarely focus long on the Maccabees or the blessings we remember in our own lives.
This year I thought we could think about what brings light into our lives and how we reflect that light. Each day of Hanukkah, we will each be observant for kindnesses we share and kindnesses we receive. Then when we light the candles we will each share a kindness from that day for each candle lit—one kindness each on the first night, two the second night and so forth. I imagine that this will be fairly straightforward on day one. However, I presume that by day 4 or 5 we will have to work to not just remember what we have done that day (for some of us a harder task these days than for others), but we will need actively be observant for moments when we can offer a kindness— from a word, to a hand, to a hug. I am sure it will take concentration to look for opportunities. Perhaps we will hold open a door or let the shopper with just one item to purchase step in line in front of us, or even refrain from a disparaging remark that was clamoring to be spoken. Eight is such a good number for creating a habit of being observant to where we can give a kindness and be mindful of saying thank you when we receive a kindness.
Stay tuned and I’ll let you know how well this works or doesn’t. Let me know what traditions you enjoy in December to show thanks for what you have received or be cognizant of what you share.
The Outer Banks in Two Days
You could easily spend a week or a month or a lifetime in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, but if you’re driving from Florida to Maine, don’t drive inland—enjoy the Outer Banks! Here is a two day itinerary, from South to North with one night in Buxton.
Advance Planning:
- Book a night in Morehead City, NC. This is the last town with decent lodging before the ferry landing (a one hour drive). The Hampton Inn is good quality and right on the water.
- Book ferry reservations on the morning Cedar Island to Ocracoke Ferry http://www.ncdot.org/ferry/
- Make hotel/motel reservations in Buxton—not a lot to choose from and they fill fast in the summer
- Pack your beach towels and bathing suits!
Day 1: Ferry to Ocracoke, Ferry to Buxton
The drive from Morehead City to the Cedar Island Ferry landing is about 1 hour without traffic. Get to the ferry landing at the time requested or you could lose your spot! The ferry ride itself is about 2 ¼ hours. There are a couple of seats with tables indoors, but these fill immediately. So bring books or games that don’t need much space or spend your time on deck looking for fishing boats.
Ocracoke is a tiny, compact town. Pick up an Ocracoke Island brochure at any North Carolina visitor center (including the one on the island). Stop by the Ocracoke lighthouse. There is only parking for a few cars, so if it’s busy you’ll need to wait. If your kids like pirate stories, they abound in this area. Look for pirate references throughout the islands.
For coffee or cinnamon buns definitely stop by the Ocracoke Coffee Co. Excellent coffee, tasty snacks and comfy indoor and outdoor seating— what more could a coffee shop offer? Pick up sandwiches for a beach picnic at the Sweet Tooth and Fig Tree Bakery or Back Porch Lunchbox.
From Ocracoke drive north to the Ferry to Hatteras, stopping along the way for a picnic and a swim. There are several places to access the beach along route 12, so take a break and enjoy the isolated beaches—few people, lots of sand and surf! There is also the Pony Pens along the drive where you can stop to see descendents of the horses that once roamed the island. The ferry to Hatteras does not require a reservation. It is first come, first serve.
Once in Hatteras you can rent kayaks, head to the beaches or climb the lighthouse. The lighthouse lines can be long. If you go first thing in the morning (tomorrow) you are likely to have less of a wait. If your family enjoys maritime history stop by the Graveyard of the Atlantic Museum right by the ferry landing. This very small museum has exhibits on the treacherous waterways along the Outer Banks, shipwrecks and piracy. It also had an exhibit on German subs in World War 2 and the use of air power to sink battleships.
Day 2: Enjoy the National Seashore, Kitty Hawk, Drive North
Start your day early with a visit to the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse. You can climb the 248 stairs to the top for an excellent view. Stop by the visitor’s center where you can view the binders on moving the light house. Kids and adults will be fascinated by the rail and hydraulic system put in place to move the lighthouse further inland (to protect it from the eroding beach) in 1999.
From the lighthouse continue north on route 12. Again there are plenty of places to stop and enjoy the beaches. For a short walk stop at the Pea Island National Wildlife Refuge. You can and should borrow binoculars from the visitor center there. The bird life is most abundant in the spring and fall migrations and during the cooler morning and evening hours, but you are sure to see egrets even in the middle of the day.
An alternative, or additional, walk takes you to the top of the highest dune east of the Mississippi River in Jockey’s Ridge State Park. The ever shifting sand dunes are great for kite flying, dune jumping and taking in the view. There is also a hang gliding school which offers 3 hour lessons in beginning gliding as well as more advanced lessons.
Just a bit further north on Route 12 is the Wright Brothers National Memorial. Small children will enjoy the Jr. Ranger Program and ALL will enjoy the outstanding talk the rangers give on the first flight. Both the indoor talk which is given frequently and the twice daily outdoor program are thoroughly worth attending.
If you have time for one final stop before leaving the Outer Banks, stop at the visitor center in Kitty Hawk to see the Monument to a Century of Flight. See if your kids can find when Amelia Earhart flew, or the moon landing, or when the U.S. post office established air mail service.
Quite a bit to enjoy in just two days—your family will certainly want to return for a longer visit!
Two Days in London with Teenagers
London is an outstanding city for a family. Here is a two day itinerary that can easily be stretched into 3 days if you spend more time walking around. Hotel:
Day 1: Speaker’s Corner, Double Decker Buses, Tower of London, Millennium Bridge, Globe Theatre and/or Saint Paul’s Cathedral
Plan Ahead:
- Buy a family ticket for the
Start with breakfast outside the hotel. The Patisserie across from the
Take a double decker bus (or Underground for quicker transport) from Kensington to Marble Arch. Walk into
Continue your journey via double decker bus 
to the
At the
If time permits visit Shakespeare’s Globe for a tour. 
Otherwise, simply enjoy walking along the
For dinner head to the West End where there are plenty of restaurants to choose among.
Day 2: Clock Tower,
Plan Ahead:
- Check the time and day for the changing of the guards at
- Buy tickets for the London Eye on-line to save time and money
- Make reservations for tea late in the day
- Get tickets for a show in advance or take your chance at half price tickets once you arrive in
Take the underground to
From here walk down to
Following the changing of the guards 
you may have time for a ride on the London Eye before lunch. Even my older teen who thought it was too touristy was pleasantly surprised at the outstanding views and cool photographic angles from the London Eye. The views alone help reinforce the layout of the city and you point out where you have visited and where you’re headed.
Walk along the
For a splurge, afternoon tea at fancy hotel in
Following tea, you can make your way to an evening of theater or enjoy walking along the
Optional Day if you have just arrived on a red eye:
Take the
In
From the National Maritime Museum walk up the hill to the Royal Observatory, http://www.nmm.ac.uk/places/royal-observatory/, home of Greenwich Mean Time and the Prime Meridian.
If you’re tired and the weather cooperates, relax in the park on your way back to the
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