Showing posts with label menorah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label menorah. Show all posts
Nights 6 and 7—a Few Passes
My blogging for the past two menorah lighting nights mimics our ability to intentionally make occasions to offer kindnesses to others. As we went around the circle both nights, my husband and I each had a few passes. Seven kindnesses isn’t all that many. Yet I am finding it hard to keep kindnesses top of mind so that I see the opportunities to help someone out. I tell myself now that I will work harder on this the 8th and final day to be aware of sharing kindness with those around me. We’ll see if I am able to recount my kindnesses I shared today when we light the candles tonight.
The Fourth Night: Making the World a Little Bit Brighter
The fourth day I heard, “I didn’t give any kindnesses beyond what I would do anyhow.” “I was at home all day—I didn’t have a chance to share any kindnesses.”
Clearly it was time to revisit the intent of sharing kindnesses given and kindnesses received. I didn’t intend that we would change the world, complete heroic tasks each day or oblige others to be forever indebted. I simply wanted us to be aware of what brings light into our lives and how we reflect that light. I would be delighted if most of our kindnesses shared were true gifts of kindness that we would have given had it been Hanukkah or the middle of July. I liked that with eight days we could create a habit of thankfulness and giving where one may not have existed or reinforce an awareness of the kindnesses in our lives.
Once we all were re-focused on the intent, we were much more comfortable sharing the more commonplace of kindnesses— my daughter helping me clean up, my husband baking a cake for our children, no one complaining when our afternoon plans changed at the last minute. Every day won’t bring a kindness that would turn a friend’s life around, but hopefully each day would make the world a little bit brighter even after the candle had gone out.
Clearly it was time to revisit the intent of sharing kindnesses given and kindnesses received. I didn’t intend that we would change the world, complete heroic tasks each day or oblige others to be forever indebted. I simply wanted us to be aware of what brings light into our lives and how we reflect that light. I would be delighted if most of our kindnesses shared were true gifts of kindness that we would have given had it been Hanukkah or the middle of July. I liked that with eight days we could create a habit of thankfulness and giving where one may not have existed or reinforce an awareness of the kindnesses in our lives.
Once we all were re-focused on the intent, we were much more comfortable sharing the more commonplace of kindnesses— my daughter helping me clean up, my husband baking a cake for our children, no one complaining when our afternoon plans changed at the last minute. Every day won’t bring a kindness that would turn a friend’s life around, but hopefully each day would make the world a little bit brighter even after the candle had gone out.
The Third Night: It's the Thought that Counts
The excuses started with the morning alarm clock.
“I just want to remind you that I work at home on Fridays, so I won’t have many interactions for sharing something nice,” my husband announced as he stepped out of bed.
“You’ll see your family, “I responded, “we count too".
As it turned out, I was the one who ended up grasping for moments of kindness given. I had plenty of kindnesses received, rushing home late from work, getting a friendly smile and a helpful suggestion from a shop owner, being able to call my husband at the last minute to pick up my daughter, a truck driver letting me cut across to make my exit. But I apparently was in a receiving mode, not a giving mode as I grasped for 3, just 3, kindnesses given— how hard could this be? I looked for drivers who weren’t getting a break in traffic to pull out, shoppers who needed a door opened, I even stopped to pick up fresh scones for my family - all sold out by late in the day!
On that last try, my daughter told me, "It's the thought that counts mom, so that counts as a kindness."
When we stood around the menorah and listened to each others' kindnesses, again seeing the glimpses of gloves shared on a cold day, or thoughtful encouragement to a classmate, I realized we all have moments or days of receiving and moments of giving. It’s not that one is harder to see or acknowledge than the other, at least for me. It is that life is bumpy. Often there are caring words I can share, or a hand I can offer, but sometimes I am the thankful recipient of an extra smile or a driver’s courtesy or a daughter’s hug. The kindnesses of others keep my glass full.
“I just want to remind you that I work at home on Fridays, so I won’t have many interactions for sharing something nice,” my husband announced as he stepped out of bed.
“You’ll see your family, “I responded, “we count too".
As it turned out, I was the one who ended up grasping for moments of kindness given. I had plenty of kindnesses received, rushing home late from work, getting a friendly smile and a helpful suggestion from a shop owner, being able to call my husband at the last minute to pick up my daughter, a truck driver letting me cut across to make my exit. But I apparently was in a receiving mode, not a giving mode as I grasped for 3, just 3, kindnesses given— how hard could this be? I looked for drivers who weren’t getting a break in traffic to pull out, shoppers who needed a door opened, I even stopped to pick up fresh scones for my family - all sold out by late in the day!
On that last try, my daughter told me, "It's the thought that counts mom, so that counts as a kindness."
When we stood around the menorah and listened to each others' kindnesses, again seeing the glimpses of gloves shared on a cold day, or thoughtful encouragement to a classmate, I realized we all have moments or days of receiving and moments of giving. It’s not that one is harder to see or acknowledge than the other, at least for me. It is that life is bumpy. Often there are caring words I can share, or a hand I can offer, but sometimes I am the thankful recipient of an extra smile or a driver’s courtesy or a daughter’s hug. The kindnesses of others keep my glass full.
First Night Kindnesses
The first night we each told one kindness given and one kindness received. The only momentary pause was from my husband who said, “Two? I thought we only needed one on the first day.”
To which my younger daughter, always the mathematician, replied, “One kindness received for each Shamash candle lit and one kindness given for each candle the Shamash lights.”
“There’s always only one Shamash,” my husband responded.
“Precisely. Each night we only need to tell one kindness received, but the number of kindness we share with others will increment by one each day.”
“Okay, got it.”
The first day one of us received a book, one a kind word, one a kindness from a teacher, one a kindness from classmates holding opposing views. The first day one of us found two chairs to include two more in the circle, one held her tongue, one spent an extra 30 minutes with a student who just wanted to talk, and one I can’t remember because I was working so hard on not forgetting mine. Today I will work harder on my listening skills! Already we are talking about ‘saving’ a kindness for a day when we need 5 or 6 or 7 or 8. Hmm, that’s missing the point… seems I need to tune the goal.
To which my younger daughter, always the mathematician, replied, “One kindness received for each Shamash candle lit and one kindness given for each candle the Shamash lights.”
“There’s always only one Shamash,” my husband responded.
“Precisely. Each night we only need to tell one kindness received, but the number of kindness we share with others will increment by one each day.”
“Okay, got it.”
The first day one of us received a book, one a kind word, one a kindness from a teacher, one a kindness from classmates holding opposing views. The first day one of us found two chairs to include two more in the circle, one held her tongue, one spent an extra 30 minutes with a student who just wanted to talk, and one I can’t remember because I was working so hard on not forgetting mine. Today I will work harder on my listening skills! Already we are talking about ‘saving’ a kindness for a day when we need 5 or 6 or 7 or 8. Hmm, that’s missing the point… seems I need to tune the goal.
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