The excuses started with the morning alarm clock.
“I just want to remind you that I work at home on Fridays, so I won’t have many interactions for sharing something nice,” my husband announced as he stepped out of bed.
“You’ll see your family, “I responded, “we count too".
As it turned out, I was the one who ended up grasping for moments of kindness given. I had plenty of kindnesses received, rushing home late from work, getting a friendly smile and a helpful suggestion from a shop owner, being able to call my husband at the last minute to pick up my daughter, a truck driver letting me cut across to make my exit. But I apparently was in a receiving mode, not a giving mode as I grasped for 3, just 3, kindnesses given— how hard could this be? I looked for drivers who weren’t getting a break in traffic to pull out, shoppers who needed a door opened, I even stopped to pick up fresh scones for my family - all sold out by late in the day!
On that last try, my daughter told me, "It's the thought that counts mom, so that counts as a kindness."
When we stood around the menorah and listened to each others' kindnesses, again seeing the glimpses of gloves shared on a cold day, or thoughtful encouragement to a classmate, I realized we all have moments or days of receiving and moments of giving. It’s not that one is harder to see or acknowledge than the other, at least for me. It is that life is bumpy. Often there are caring words I can share, or a hand I can offer, but sometimes I am the thankful recipient of an extra smile or a driver’s courtesy or a daughter’s hug. The kindnesses of others keep my glass full.
The Second Night: Unintended Benefits
Then came the kindnesses received—just one from each of us. They were harder for us to find during our day, and we each had to give it some thought as we watched the candles burning to recall when someone had reached out. I doubt that there are few kindnesses shared. So I continue to ponder why we have a harder time seeing or remembering a kind gesture shown to us than we do one given.
First Night Kindnesses
The first night we each told one kindness given and one kindness received. The only momentary pause was from my husband who said, “Two? I thought we only needed one on the first day.”
To which my younger daughter, always the mathematician, replied, “One kindness received for each Shamash candle lit and one kindness given for each candle the Shamash lights.”
“There’s always only one Shamash,” my husband responded.
“Precisely. Each night we only need to tell one kindness received, but the number of kindness we share with others will increment by one each day.”
“Okay, got it.”
The first day one of us received a book, one a kind word, one a kindness from a teacher, one a kindness from classmates holding opposing views. The first day one of us found two chairs to include two more in the circle, one held her tongue, one spent an extra 30 minutes with a student who just wanted to talk, and one I can’t remember because I was working so hard on not forgetting mine. Today I will work harder on my listening skills! Already we are talking about ‘saving’ a kindness for a day when we need 5 or 6 or 7 or 8. Hmm, that’s missing the point… seems I need to tune the goal.
To which my younger daughter, always the mathematician, replied, “One kindness received for each Shamash candle lit and one kindness given for each candle the Shamash lights.”
“There’s always only one Shamash,” my husband responded.
“Precisely. Each night we only need to tell one kindness received, but the number of kindness we share with others will increment by one each day.”
“Okay, got it.”
The first day one of us received a book, one a kind word, one a kindness from a teacher, one a kindness from classmates holding opposing views. The first day one of us found two chairs to include two more in the circle, one held her tongue, one spent an extra 30 minutes with a student who just wanted to talk, and one I can’t remember because I was working so hard on not forgetting mine. Today I will work harder on my listening skills! Already we are talking about ‘saving’ a kindness for a day when we need 5 or 6 or 7 or 8. Hmm, that’s missing the point… seems I need to tune the goal.
Kindnesses Shared and Received
We love our ceramic menorah that we unwrap each December and fill with colorful candles each evening during Hanukkah. As the Shamash candle is lit, we begin singing the blessing in our own multi-tuned rendition. My husband wasn’t schooled in religious tunes, or if he was didn’t retain them. And my religious tunes are limited to Herald Angels and Little Towns. Consequently, our prayer sounds much like a smaller rendition of Hogwarts school song.
Each of the 8 nights we add an additional candle, sing our prayer and enjoy the menorah for a moment or through dinner or while homework is being done. We love to watch the candle lights flickering and speculate where all that wax ends up. But we rarely focus long on the Maccabees or the blessings we remember in our own lives.
This year I thought we could think about what brings light into our lives and how we reflect that light. Each day of Hanukkah, we will each be observant for kindnesses we share and kindnesses we receive. Then when we light the candles we will each share a kindness from that day for each candle lit—one kindness each on the first night, two the second night and so forth. I imagine that this will be fairly straightforward on day one. However, I presume that by day 4 or 5 we will have to work to not just remember what we have done that day (for some of us a harder task these days than for others), but we will need actively be observant for moments when we can offer a kindness— from a word, to a hand, to a hug. I am sure it will take concentration to look for opportunities. Perhaps we will hold open a door or let the shopper with just one item to purchase step in line in front of us, or even refrain from a disparaging remark that was clamoring to be spoken. Eight is such a good number for creating a habit of being observant to where we can give a kindness and be mindful of saying thank you when we receive a kindness.
Stay tuned and I’ll let you know how well this works or doesn’t. Let me know what traditions you enjoy in December to show thanks for what you have received or be cognizant of what you share.
Each of the 8 nights we add an additional candle, sing our prayer and enjoy the menorah for a moment or through dinner or while homework is being done. We love to watch the candle lights flickering and speculate where all that wax ends up. But we rarely focus long on the Maccabees or the blessings we remember in our own lives.
This year I thought we could think about what brings light into our lives and how we reflect that light. Each day of Hanukkah, we will each be observant for kindnesses we share and kindnesses we receive. Then when we light the candles we will each share a kindness from that day for each candle lit—one kindness each on the first night, two the second night and so forth. I imagine that this will be fairly straightforward on day one. However, I presume that by day 4 or 5 we will have to work to not just remember what we have done that day (for some of us a harder task these days than for others), but we will need actively be observant for moments when we can offer a kindness— from a word, to a hand, to a hug. I am sure it will take concentration to look for opportunities. Perhaps we will hold open a door or let the shopper with just one item to purchase step in line in front of us, or even refrain from a disparaging remark that was clamoring to be spoken. Eight is such a good number for creating a habit of being observant to where we can give a kindness and be mindful of saying thank you when we receive a kindness.
Stay tuned and I’ll let you know how well this works or doesn’t. Let me know what traditions you enjoy in December to show thanks for what you have received or be cognizant of what you share.
Let the Great World Spin Book Group Discussion Guide
Let The Great World Spin Discussion Guide
I enjoy leading book groups. When I lead, I write up a discussion guide to use. Feel free to ask your own questions or discuss your own observations or reactions in the comments section.
I have moved this discussion guide to my new blog, Group Reads which is a collection of discussion guides. You can find a guide for this book at Group Reads: Let The Great World Spin.
Stop by and see what other guides might interest you!
I have moved this discussion guide to my new blog, Group Reads which is a collection of discussion guides. You can find a guide for this book at Group Reads: Let The Great World Spin.
Stop by and see what other guides might interest you!
You Can Hide, but You Can't Run
Thanksgiving Day came and went with surprising little, family discord. So here I am relying on my faux pas over the last 2 days to sum up lessons learned while I was being thankful for those moments outside the all important thanks for family, freedom, peace, education and nourishment.
If I wash and dry my daughter's sweatshirt with her iPod in the pocket, the iPod will still work but all of the lyrics come out clean. I am thankful that some Apple engineer probably engineered this to work even if it's not advertised.
$2 hand warmers cost $3 when 10,000 cold people are waiting around before the Thanksgiving 5K race, unless you are the first customer.
iPods were made for the day after Thanksgiving:
Salt not only makes bread taste good, it also helps the rising. Corollary, four loaves of unsalted bread makes a lot of unsalted breadcrumbs.
Apple butter is a misnomer— it's really apple jelly. And it makes unsalted bread tasty! I am thankful for my niece's thoughtfulness in creating a fabulous gift basket just because.
In laser tag, you can hide, but you can't run.
If I wash and dry my daughter's sweatshirt with her iPod in the pocket, the iPod will still work but all of the lyrics come out clean. I am thankful that some Apple engineer probably engineered this to work even if it's not advertised.
$2 hand warmers cost $3 when 10,000 cold people are waiting around before the Thanksgiving 5K race, unless you are the first customer.
iPods were made for the day after Thanksgiving:
- You don’t need to listen to non-stop ads pushing Black Friday deals
- They are perfect for taking on a walk to burn off the Thanksgiving Feast
- Even if it’s raining you can plug in your ear buds and tune out any lingering family acrimony
Salt not only makes bread taste good, it also helps the rising. Corollary, four loaves of unsalted bread makes a lot of unsalted breadcrumbs.
Apple butter is a misnomer— it's really apple jelly. And it makes unsalted bread tasty! I am thankful for my niece's thoughtfulness in creating a fabulous gift basket just because.
In laser tag, you can hide, but you can't run.
Guidelines for Easy to Understand Technical Writing
Where did techies learn to write?! I like mysteries to have twists and surprises; I like novels to develop character and place; I like biographies to delve into history (actually I don’t like biographies). But I don’t want technical analysis or product descriptions to meander, use vague, ill-defined terms or stick to generalities. Tech blogs and articles need to get to the point.
There are plenty of bad examples out there from a myriad of independent blogs to some of the comments posted to widely read blogs. Rather than focus on the bad examples I come across daily doing research, here are two of my favorite good examples of technical writing:
David Pogue in nearly any of his blog posts http://pogue.blogs.nytimes.com/ lists what he does and doesn’t like in clear terms. He even wrote a whole post on tech terms he avoids (http://pogue.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/10/16/tech-terms-to-avoid/#more-560 ) .
Wired Magazine, http://www.wired.com/wired/ , consistently publishes clear articles. Not only do they use understandable prose, they have outstanding graphic artists who create charts and diagrams that intrigue anyone who loves visualizing data.
Granted Pogue and the Wired Magazine writers are paid to write, so they have an economic interest in writing well and have had a lot of practice. Still with a few simple precepts, even a geek with limited linguist ability can make his or her point more effectively.
Three guidelines:
There are plenty of bad examples out there from a myriad of independent blogs to some of the comments posted to widely read blogs. Rather than focus on the bad examples I come across daily doing research, here are two of my favorite good examples of technical writing:
David Pogue in nearly any of his blog posts http://pogue.blogs.nytimes.com/ lists what he does and doesn’t like in clear terms. He even wrote a whole post on tech terms he avoids (http://pogue.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/10/16/tech-terms-to-avoid/#more-560 ) .
Wired Magazine, http://www.wired.com/wired/ , consistently publishes clear articles. Not only do they use understandable prose, they have outstanding graphic artists who create charts and diagrams that intrigue anyone who loves visualizing data.
Granted Pogue and the Wired Magazine writers are paid to write, so they have an economic interest in writing well and have had a lot of practice. Still with a few simple precepts, even a geek with limited linguist ability can make his or her point more effectively.
Three guidelines:
- Give specific examples
- Only use terms that are well understood by your readers
- Use bullet points and lists wherever possible, or at least introduce your points with terms such as first, second and third.
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